One, two, three...ROLL!

My friend Scott is an experienced kayaker. Whitewater, the real stuff. River or sea he actually seeks out crests and crescendoes, surrendering himself and his minnow-like craft into the crushing power of waves crashing on their merry and merciless way.

I, on the other hand, am strictly a flatwater girl. Calm and serene, the meditation of stroke, lift, stroke, breathes me into the landscape: the smell of the mud on the banks, watching for otters, sun baking my legs without a spray skirt in place. The last time I tried that, the drip of my paddle over a four-hour trip slowly eroded the paba-free, all-natural, and supposedly waterproof sunscreen from the tops of my thighs. Ouch. Several days of ouch, and a very unfortunate look for wearing shorts in July.

Scott is certain that he can teach me how to roll the kayak (even if he can't convince me to follow him to my death down the roaring Nantahala). I have complete confidence in him, although it sounds a little like Steve Thorsted in high school promising to be able to get me up on water skis..."you just haven't had the right person driving the boat!" Thirty years later I still haven't made it up for more than a few seconds. But I'm pretty happy to let that one go and ride the inner tube instead.

Rolling the kayak, though, is another story. There's a terrifying empowering in the enticement of rolling. I really want to learn it. Voluntarily turning yourself completely upside down, deprived of oxygen and encased in a fiberglass anchovy (aka coffin!) everything stops. It becomes a complete exercise of mind not to panic. Everything in you wants to barrel for the surface, head first. Not possible. The answer is counter-intuitive...not lifting with the head but powering from the core (damn it, another reason to start taking Pilates). Stay focused into the center and FLIP, you're upright, gulping air with the mammals again. Well, at least this is how I think it's supposed to go. I've not been able to get out of the upside-down position yet. Thankfully I have the wet exit down. "Safety first!" chirps my inner lifeguard.

The past few months have felt like a perpetual upside-down-in-the-kayak period for me. Interesting experiment in staying centered, practicing wet exit, and remembering not to panic. Slowly I've been learning to strengthen my core so I can right myself, surrender through the next wave and joyfully submerge, knowing that I can come full circle, alive, well and with water-free lungs. Wet exit is ok for emergencies, but the real fun comes with knowing you can flip and flip and flip and be ok. Yeah, all the spiritual teachers say the only way the core gets stronger is from practice. With all this practice, I must be on the way to expert.

Just for today, I'm righted again--catching my breath and heading toward a quiet eddy for the holidays.

blessings all...see you in Pilates class!