The tricky part is that in order to learn you first have to admit you don't know. Oft-quoted Socrates himself admitted it. This can be an understandably uncomfortable position to visit, not to mention to live in. And in this day of polarized positions, we don't get a whole lot of cultural training or support on stretching into the gray area of not knowing. Our whole system is set up to measure, analyze, get answers. We worship at the altar of Opinion and Empirical Knowledge.
In her book "Finding Our Way--Leadership for an Uncertain Time" (2005, Berrett-Koehler), organizational consultant Margaret Wheatley describes listening through uncertainty as a critical tool for modern relationships, both in the workplace and elsewhere:
So what keeps us from adventuring into the Land of Not Knowing? The Wise Ones say: "Would you rather be right or be happy?" Easy to say, until I sit down to discuss the war with someone...When my pulse is racing, palms sweating, and I can't believe you just said that...it's hard to entertain the option that surrendering my RIGHTness could lead to serenity."If you're willing to be disturbed, I recommend that you begin a conversation with someone who thinks differently than you do. Listen as best you can for what's different, for what surprises you. Try to stop the voice of judgement or opinion. Just listen. At the end of this practice, notice whether you learned anything new. Notice whether you developed a better relationship with the person you just talked with. If you try this with several people, you might find yourself laughing in delight as you realize how many unique ways there are to be human."
Rumi said "Out beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there." I've found great comfort and community in learning Nonviolent Communication--it gives me practical tools and strategies for getting to that field.
I'd like to meet you there. Stay tuned...
