Life only demands from you the strength you possess. Only one feat is possible--not to have run away.
~Dag Hammarskjold, Markings
A few days ago I was seated on a plane headed home after a week in San Francisco, where we had joined in the fun and celebration of my sweetie's daughter's wedding. I had felt a little torn about going, the internal voice that demands practicality and productivity really likes to be in charge. Especially when there's a chance to play or dance or relax. I decided to ignore it and go anyway.
As we were settling in for the long flight, I could hear the conversation of the two men behind us, their voices rising over the roar of the engines.
"It's been a tough year," one man said. "I'm an electrician and have been out of work. I'm not used to this, never had it like this before. I've been living on my savings."
"Where are you headed?"
"I'm on my way to my son's wedding. I'm not going to miss it."
I can read it in the headlines or hear stories on NPR, but somehow having someone sitting behind me on an airplane or the checkout line makes it more real. I'm not the only one wrestling with the uncertainties of this time. And every day gives me a choice about how to respond. Do I hunker down, get in my cave, try harder to fix it and figure it out?
Well, I could (and sometimes do) but people are getting married! Twenty-eight year olds who own playstations and work at software companies. And it's not just the chance to have health insurance. They're choosing to believe in love and commitment and a life together despite the odds and evidence set against success. Can you think of anything more deliciously idealistic and courageous than that?
It's true that the fairy tale ending is a myth. I think it was Alice Walker who said "There are no happy endings, only happy plateaus." This past few months I've been reading memoirs--not a genre that usually drew me, but the perfect one for this year--stories of people who wrestled with their own demons and challenges in between great moments of achievement and simple bites of joy. It's been a great reminder not to compare my insides with other people's outsides. Just about everyone has struggle and no one gets out alive. In weddings and memoirs I'm reminded that to show up for all of life is the assignment..and to share it is the reward.
FYI... here's my list: An Interrupted Life by Etty Hillesum; Reason for Hope by Jane Goodall; Fourth Uncle in the Mountain by Quang van Nguyen; The Story of My Life (restored edition) by Hellen Keller; My Name is Bill: Bill Wilson and the Creation of Alcoholics Anonymous by Susan Cheever. I'm currently reading Markings by Dag Hammarskjold.
blessings
cj
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